Don't Turn Back

Tonight was a beautiful end to the past two weeks of " Bif's goodbye tour". As I helped Randy and Cherie put their three kiddos to bed, we stopped for bedtime prayers. Randy asked Molly, (who is almost 7 years old) if she would like to pray for me. She prayed for my travels, my grades, and that I would make friends while at college. I was crying as she spoke, thinking about the little 6 month old baby who couldn't even roll over, the little toddler who first called me Bif at TheBridge. The first child I babysat, who helped me learn all the hard lessons of taking care of  a child. If I said  Molly Abigail was special to me, that  would be a huge understatement to how I truly feel about her.

Aside from tonight; I have been blessed to spend these last two weeks sharing meals with people, drinking ridiculous amounts of iced coffee, receiving gifts, letters, hugs, and prayers from people who I love deeply.
 I've  learned 2 things...
1.) God has put some of the most amazing people people in my life, that I haven't been able to fully appreciate until deciding to leave.
2.) Goodbyes suck, but its not forever.

I also received an awesome piece of advice tonight, that is already stuck in my mind and heart. "Don't turn back" As much as this has been one of the hardest seasons I have ever had to go through, I'm comforted by my creator who is guiding me into this next step. I can already see God's hand in this next season, providing my every need and casting out all my fears.

I think that my sappy posts on social media and my excessive use of the crying emoji has masked over the true excitement that moving to California gives me. This new journey awaits and there is no turning back. I'm ready for you LPC.

Thank you to everyone who has been a part of  my last couple of weeks. You mean so much to me. To all who I didn't get the chance to personally say goodbye to, I love you too and I'll see you at Christmas!

I may not be turning back, but I will always remember where I came from! <3

Thank you for being you!

Mom,

     Thanks for being born. I know you had no control over this, but I'm thankful for this day. March 19, 1961 (readers... don't do the math, just go with 25) a day to be celebrated for the gift that was given to the world! The day you were brought into this world for a purpose, I know more than one, but my favorite is to be my mom. (and Becca's too... I have to give her credit because she is the first).
      Thank you for being the kind of women that I want to look up to and eventually want my own children to look up to. You are kind, compassionate, understanding, generous, gentle, sweet, merciful, Intelligent and so much more! As I grow and mature I see you in myself more and more. It's funny how genetics work ;) I love that I got the adventurous spirit and the travel bug, with its own dose of organization and control. I can only imagine how hard it was to realize that I was going to be like you. Having the desire to leave home at 18 and start my new journey on my own. I may have not left the house just yet, but  thank you for understanding my desire and letting me go. I know  it was hard for you, but I promise I will come back!
    The most recent thing I have to thank you for  is the nurturing side  that I saw after coming home from the hospital. I can't express the gratitude I have for you from watching you clean my room, do my laundry, washing my hair, and just being at my beck and call. You are truly a blessing. I couldn't have asked for a better person to raise me and teach me all these years! We may not always get along, and we may butt heads often, but I'll love you forever.

Sincerely,
Your blonde haired beauty born in 1996 <3

Tumors, Surgeries & Swelling... OH MY!

     As most of you know, or have figured out through the Facebook posts over the last couple weeks, I had a tumor in my jaw. Yes, you read that right, a big fat ugly tumor the size of a grown man's fist! Gross right? The most important word in all of that was the word HAD. Past tense. Thank the Lord that big ugly thing is not in me anymore. 

The tumor would be the big red round thing inside my jaw.

                              

   To remove this tumor from my body, I had to go through surgery. 8 hours of me lying on a cold hard table while my surgeon cut into my neck. Removing bone, nerve, teeth, a joint, and finally that big tumor. Which he so kindly took pictures of in the OR and then proceeded to show them to me while I was in the hospital the next day! It was gross, I can feel my stomach getting queasy just thinking about it.

That is the lovely scar right before the stitches came out!

   So that of course brings me to the swelling... Ah yes, my not so very nice friend. It was the kind of swelling that made me look like I didn't have a neck or chin. The kind of swelling that when you look in the mirror for the first time, you start to cry because you can't recognize the person staring back at you. The kind of swelling that after you have pulled yourself together from crying, you tell your dad to cover all the mirrors so you don't have to look at it again, and god forbid anyone who tries to take a picture to remember this awful time.

   Yes I felt all of those things, but here is what actually happened. I did cry, I had a good cry for all that had happened to me and all that was taken away from me in 8 short hours that left me feeling broken. We didn't cover the mirrors and we didn't shy away from taking pictures. Because after that cry, I knew I wanted to  remember this. I wanted  to see the improvement. I want the pictures to look back on and remember where I had been and how God had brought me through it all. 

   One day this will all be a memory, a faded scar on my neck. I may not feel this everyday or even most days, but today I'm thankful I went through this. I got to see the love and support that I'm surrounded by everyday. I'm grateful for the gifts, balloons, cards, flowers, and food. The text messages and well wishes all over Facebook. The visits at the hospital and at home. Most of all, I'm thankful for the prayers. I felt every single one. My OR was covered in prayers, my hospital room, and now my home. Every step of this process you have been there in some way or another, and I'm thankful. It has been an interesting journey, and this is just the beginning! 

   TTFN (ta ta for now) 

           ~ Elizabeth